Robot Parts

It's official.

I've been approved for the medtronic minimed robotic portable pancreas.

Also know as..... an Insulin Pump!

Everything is better if you can wear pink, right?

I think it's more fun to tell people I'm part robot.

I can't wait until it get's here! :)

*Note: I googled these photos, so credit to google.

Exciting things are coming..

I RECEIVED A JOB OFFER!

I will be working for Reynolds & Reynolds as a Human Resource Coordinator and couldn't be more excited!! I've been having a love/hate relationship with education and was truly dreading starting the application process of teaching all over again. For whatever reason, I just didn't want to do it. This past year of subbing made me realllllllllllllly take a hard look at teaching. The more I thought about it (and the more time went on without interview) I decided I wanted to look for something different.

The good things about teaching is that I can always go back if it's something I want to do in the future. But as of right now, I am perfectly find not stepping into any classroom. This year has show a million difficulties and has made me step back and really questions what I want to do with my life. You know, when everything is falling apart.... and you have to ask, IS THIS WORTH IT?? I have always wanted to teach (or so I thought) and never really deviated from my 5 year old dream job. Even in college, after taking my favorite class --Linguistics-- I seriously thought about changing my major. It scared me to do something completely different then what I went in wanting to do. So i didn't. And now, I really wish I had. I was terrified of change and always had to have a plan. If I learned anything this year, It's to throw caution to the wind. I am not in charge of anything, and know matter how much I plan... It doesn't seem to work out.

So, a new career. Goodbye to 11 hours work days and helllllloooooooooo to benefits.

And I am still toying with the idea of getting my masters in speech pathology. I missed the deadlines this year to apply, but it's something I know I would really enjoy. chchchchchangesssss

P.S. As you know, Nala was given back to the pound. I was completely devastated and depressed. Because my fiance is awesome, we went and adopted a new puppy. Shes a chocolate lab/pitbull mix. He thought the only way to cheer me up would be to get something I could love more. We didn't know she was pitbull when we got her--but she's a big cuddlebug! I still miss that little Nala, but Lola is hard not to love.

My little Lola! Ridiculously hyper, but the smartest, cuddliest little monster you'll ever meet.

A Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Today was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Seriously.

After finding out Nala was tested for STRONG positive heartworms, and then finding the estimate at close to a 1000, I had to make a decision. A hard decision. I decided that I was not financial able to support this dog as much as I wanted to be able too. I can give her all the love in my heart, but it wouldn't help relieve her pain. Diabetes is expensive enough, and as much as I wish I could, I really just couldn't.

I cannot believe I have been crying so hard over a dog I owned for 5 days. I loved her and really hope she gets the treatment she needs. I am angry at her previous owners for not putting her on proper medication. I'm angry at the shelter for not checking. I am angry at myself for not knowing what should be done before I adopt a dog.

"At least you learned what to do for next time!" cool. except I really didn't want a next time.

And of course through all of this anxiety and tears, my blood sugars have been sucky and stupid. I can't think right when I see numbers slowly decreasing on the screen. Lower and lower and lower. Until I'm so shaky I don't know what I am really upset about.

Today was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Seriously.

Nala: I rescued my human

There's a new addition that has been added to my life. Meet Nala!

She's the sweetest, most loveable dog I have ever met. With every step I take, she's right by my side. Most people don't really know why I wanted to get a dog (other than the fact that I LOVE them.) Dogs can help with diabetes. True story. In fact, when I was first diagnosed my doctor flat told me to get one since I live alone.

Before diagnoses Abbey, Ben's dog, use to lick me constantly. I mean, not normal dog licking, but serious licking. She was on a mission to lick my skin off. I couldn't get her off, and when and I if I finally did, she would come back for more. I always thought it was weird, but just thought she loved me.. (Ha!) My doctor actually told me it was a sign of a high blood sugar. She thought I tasted sweet. Irony.

Lately I've been having a lot more lows than I feel I should be having. Especially at night. Right before bed the past few nights I have had to eat a pack of skittles and juice to sky rocket my blood sugars. Ill wake up and be perfectly in range which makes me think my pancreas started working. Perhaps I'm in the honeymoon stage? who knows. More to come on that later. But because the thought of "I hope I wake up tomorrow" has crossed my mind before laying my head down to sleep, I decided I had to have something right by my side every night. Sure, Ben's nice to snuggle with too! But that boy wouldn't wake up if a freight train was next to his ear, let alone if I go into a coma because of a low.

So, here's where sweet Nala comes into play. I can actually get her trained to be a service dog, and I could take her anywhere I went. I can't decide If I want to or not. But not only has she already uplifted my spirit about a diabetic life (Heck--life in general), she's already helped me when a low set in before I realized it. I might have rescued her from the pound, but she most definitely rescued me emotionally AND diabetically.

And because this is just SO my life, I leave you with this:

Yes, my girl is wearing a pull up because no less than 3 hours after I got her, she started heat. 

She's a mess. just. like. me. 

A perfect pair.

Type 1 Now

I have been meaning to write this post for a week now. Last Saturday I spent the day in Austin at the JDRF Type 1 Now Conference. I had been looking forward to it since February. The day was spent learning about how to be a better diabetic. I sat in on many sessions that dealt with accurate carb counting, multiple daily injections (MDI), and girl issues that go right along with diabetes.

The highlights:
-Meeting Kerri Sparling of sixuntilme.com. When I was in the hospital and had no clue how my life was going to change, I googled "Type 1 Diabetes." Her blog was one of the first things that came up. I read for hours in my room and realized right then I was going to be okay. Sure, it was going to be hard. But if she can find the humor in this disease, I knew I could too.

-Getting a free one touch meter. The meter is great and all, but I really like the delica it came with. I can't even feel the prick!

-Learning about the different insulin pumps on the market. I was able to see the animas ping and the medtronic insulin pumps in action. I know its wrong to covet something, BUT I COVET ALL INSULIN PUMPS. I cannot wait to have one and learning about them just made it even more of a desire.

-Winning Cozmo, the diabetic monkey. His insulin pump is magnetic and will attach to all the places its ok to put your pump. How COOL.

-Learning how to get my insulin for free. Probably the most useful thing I learned! The website www.needymeds.com has a TON of medications for free, not just insulin. Most of them you have to apply for, but a lot of them also have savings cards. I would recommend taking a look. I am grateful for my insurance, but the savings card I found made the copay free!

-Meeting and connecting with other Type 1's! I even met a 4th grade teacher who told me how she explains it to her class. I've always wondered how I would do that, and she gave me GREAT advice.

I am so grateful I was able to go to this and learn so much. JDRF is doing AMAZING research for type 1 diabetes, and I cannot express my gratitude to the foundation. It was inspiring to hear and see diabetics who lived with this disease for over 50 years. Talk about motivation! You. Rock.

Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you;

do not be dismayed,

for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you

with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

---------------------------------------------------

As you go through this...

Difficult things can cause us to ask, "Why did this happen?"

But if we're trusting in Christ we never need to ask,

"How could He let this happen?"

God may never reveal all His reason to us,

but He has revealed His character to us.

His character assures us that 

He never makes mistakes, is never uncaring,

and that He never separates Himself from our need.

The need you face is great, but the grace

that is yours in Christ is even greater. 

May your heart and your faith stay fixed upon Him

as you go through this difficulty.

Be assured that He is holding your hand 

and will not let you go!

(It's amazing how much comfort a greeting card can give)

22 going on 7

Today I am thankful for school nurses.


While I was at work today, I experienced two lows. The first showed a lovely 54 on my meter, when I had been 187 an hour before. As soon as I checked it, I gave myself some juice and felt better within 10 minutes. The second time was completely different.


I was outside swinging with one of my students and got really nauseated. I immediately thought I had overtreated a low and shot up really high.

And then the Texas heat (HA!) got to me.  It's only MARCH. I started to get really hot. I mean REALLY REALLY hot. So I went inside to get some water. I checked my blood and I was at a cool 129. Ok, I thought. What in the world is going on??


So I go back outside. And feel just as bad. And finally it's time to go back to class when another teacher tells me I should chill out in another room until I feel better. I checked my blood again and was 102. Keep in mind that maybe 5 minutes had passed since my last check. I felt way way way to bad to be at 102. Normally I would celebrate by shouting on the roof top "I'M AT A PERFECT 102!!!!" But in this case, this 102 felt worse than my 54. And I knew I was dropping fast fast fast. 


So the same teacher, who is SO sweet I might add, decided to call the school nurse because I wasn't my bubbly self. Before the nurse got there I tried taking disgusting glucose tablets and had dropped even more. By this point, I was completely embarrassed. When I get embarrassed combined with worry, tears start. Which makes the embarrassment even worse!


But as soon as the nurse got there, I felt like I was 7 years old. I felt helpless and completely leaned on her guidance. I graciously took her peanut butter crackers and munched until I was content. I remember thinking about how the other type 1 diabetics at our school see her everyday. How these sweet little kiddos felt the exact same way I was feeling. Miserable, embarrassed, shaky, hot and a million other feelings.


Although this disease is terrible, I can honestly say I have thought multiple times about how I wish I was diagnosed at a younger age. Other diabetics I have met have usually been living with this since they were a kid. They have experiences that I just do not relate too. For example: having the school nurse nurse you back to a normal blood sugar.


And now I can say I have. Diabetes has made my 22 year old self feel 7. I feel like I have joined the Type 1 diabetes club. This secret kid to nurse talk. I am so grateful to work at a place where someone could help me in a matter of seconds. I can't think of anything more comforting!

To My Pharmacist

To my pharmacist,


I have never been so happy to see you. I am constantly surprised with how friendly and bubbly you always are. You don't know me by name yet, but know I am the girl who was just diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. At my last visit, you took a sincere interest in me and what I have to go through on a day-to-day basis. And you know what? You're right. Having T1 Diabetes is EXACTLY like a part time job. However, you make my days a lot easier. You supply me with insulin and without it I would die. All the while, acknowledging how difficult this must be.  I don't know why, but your interest in what I deal with made my day. Thank you for taking an interest in me & letting me know I can do this. You're awesome and I am so grateful for you.


Love,


The girl with a broken pancreas

Firsts

Spring Break 2012 gave me the break I really needed. We spent the first two days in New Orleans & the rest of the time in Florida. I experienced a lot of "firsts" I never thought I would.


-Overly packing (nothing new) but this time with diabetes supplies
-Deciding the best way to keep my extra insulin cool
-Giving myself insulin shots in a moving car
-Walking Bourbon Street
-Trying hand grenades
-Hurricanes from Pat O'Briens
-Throwing beads from the balcony (or really.. pelting people)
-Jackson Square
-Trying shrimp, salmon and Mahi Mahi
-EXPERIENCING HARRY POTTER WORLD
-Trying Butterbeer
-Having my worst low yet
-The Ron John Surf Shop experience
-Only have 2 high BG's all week
-Giving insulin right on the beach
-Cocoa Beach
- A low on the beach
-16 hour car ride
-realizing I froze my extra insulin on the very.last.day.


Spring Break was a real eye opener. I am realizing everyday that although diabetes is a serious pain, it is not going to s l o w me down.

Working with the 'Betes

It's no shocker how hard it is balancing life with diabetes, especially when its all so new. Right now, I would say the hardest part is still adjusting to the fact that anytime I want something to eat, I must inject myself with a needle full of insulin. I am getting very use to it now, but every so often it can really HURT.

Lately, the difficultly lies with WHERE I inject. I do not feel comfortable sticking myself in public, although it would make my life so much easier. Running to a dimly lit stinky bathroom is never fun. I did it in public for the first time last Saturday while we were at the Houston Outlets eating a late lunch. (wow that sentence could be taken the wrong way!) The bathrooms were so far away from the food that I just threw my caution to the wind. Screw it! If these people think I am injecting heroin, so be it.  I did it so fast, and am still amazed how its already becoming second nature to inject myself. I noticed a couple people staring, and then they got on with their life. Just like I did.

But what's even harder is when I am subbing at the elementary schools. I am not about to inject with 25 Kinder's or even 5th graders staring at me. Most of the schools in Bryan require you to eat with your students. I am really not use to this at all. Every day I work, it's a constant game of who I have to tell "I have t1 diabetes and need to give myself insulin before I eat, I will be right back." And by the time I have helped the students go through the line & then go to the restroom to do my thing, I usually have 15 minutes left to shovel food in my face. This, of course, would be a whole hell of a lot easier if I actually  had a permanent teaching job.... but that's a whole other can of worms.

An insulin pump would really help my situation. REALLY REALLY REALLY help. At my last doctor's appointment I talked to him about it. I was sooooooooo distraught when he told me it would be best to wait another 2 months. See, insulin is a massive game of chess.  Some days I win, and a lot of days I lose. We are still working on my levels of insulin to bring my numbers in a range where I can win a lot more often. He thinks 2 more months of trial & error, and we might be on the right winning streak.

TGIF & Thankful next week is spring break.. We will be off to New Orleans and Florida with some great friends!!

2 Month Dia-versary

How is February almost over?? I know it is the shortest month, but am in shock that it is almost March. Tomorrow will mark 2 months that I have been officially living with type 1 diabetes. (Who know's how long I've actually had it)  WOW. Can I just say it feels like I've had it for a whole hell of a lot longer than that..

I am amazed at how often type 1 diabetes comes up. I was never aware of it before, but it seems everywhere I go it's right in my face. For example, last week schools in Bryan celebrated "Jump Rope for Heart." I am a manager of an after school program, and walked in around 2:15 to find an assembly about the money they were raising. The second I walk in, the principal of the school is explaining what it means to be healthy to the K-2 group. And you know what? She pulls out her insulin pump and explains that she has type 1 diabetes. Shut the front door!

I love reading Type 1 diabetes blogs. It helps me realize I am not the only one going through this. BUT. I have   yet to actually meet anyone who has type 1 diabetes! As soon as I got the chance to talk with her, I explained that I was just diagnosed. What's even crazier, she found out the exact same way I did, along with the exact same age. I have been wanting an insulin pump for forever (okay maybe only 2 months) and she explained how it works. She has convinced me to get one, and hopefully I can asap. I have a meeting with my endo next Monday and praying he says i'm ready. NO MORE NEEEEEDDDLLLEEEESSSS!!!!! (That's some what of a lie, but LESS needles at least) I am okay with looking like a 1980's business man with a pager in my pocket if it means I don't have to give myself shots 6x a day. can. not. wait.

So, because it has been surrounding me everywhere I go, I've decided to start a project called "Diabetes 365." Starting tomorrow--My 2 month dia-versary-- I am going to take a picture everyday about my world with diabetes. Or just about my life in general. I am excited to document my first year of type 1 and hope there will be a lot more happier pictures than sad ones! I got the idea from the sixuntilme blog. she's awesome.

I'll end with pictures that have made February awesome already!

My brother got married :) He will soon be joining the military and I could not be more excited for him!!

We celebrated Valentine's day at work with a TON of sugary goodness that I completely avoided. (WHOOP!) The picture above is just a FEW of the cupcakes we had for the cupcake walk..not to mention boat loads of candy & cookies. We had face painting, pin the lips on the heart, cupcake walks and different games like bucket toss and musical chairs. It was a success, and the kids loved it!

Valentine's day :)

I had to work that day (11 hours! yuck!) But that cute little boy of mine took me to our favorite Chinese restaurant, chef chao's. You know it's legit when you're the only non-Asian in the place. My candy was NOT sugar free, yipee! I just enjoy them 1 at a time. My main gift is this.  I had to decided between the conference and the new tom's flats. I am not going to tell you that it was an easy decision...but I am seriously excited to go.

This weekend we are celebrating Ben's 22nd birthday back home. Texas de Brazil, here we come! 

Keep a look out for my new project :)

Complicated Complications

Type 1 diabetes can have a lot of complications, especially if you are not in good control of your bg. When I was first diagnosed, it was all I read/heard about. It freaked me out to no belief. The list seemed to be endless. Wanna know why i'm working so hard on this?

• Heart and blood vessel disease.  Diabetes dramatically increases your risk of various cardiovascular problems, including coronary artery disease with chest pain (angina), heart attack, stroke, narrowing of the arteries (atherosclerosis) and high blood pressure. In fact, about 65 percent of people who have type 1 or type 2 diabetes die of some type of heart or blood vessel disease, according to the American Heart Association.
• Nerve damage (neuropathy). Poorly controlled blood sugar could cause you to eventually lose all sense of feeling in the affected limbs. 
• Kidney damage (nephropathy). Severe damage can lead to kidney failure or irreversible end-stage kidney disease, requiring dialysis or a kidney transplant.
• Eye damage. Diabetes can damage the blood vessels of the retina (diabetic retinopathy), potentially leading to blindness. Diabetes also increases the risk of other serious vision conditions, such as cataracts and glaucoma.
• Foot damage. Nerve damage in the feet or poor blood flow to the feet increases the risk of various foot complications. Severe damage might require toe, foot or even leg amputation.
• Skin and mouth conditions. Diabetes may leave you more susceptible to skin problems, including bacterial and fungal infections. Gum infections also may be a concern, especially if you have a history of poor dental hygiene.
• Osteoporosis. Diabetes may lead to lower than normal bone mineral density, increasing your risk of osteoporosis.
• Pregnancy complications. High blood sugar levels can be dangerous for both the mother and the baby. The risk of miscarriage, stillbirth and birth defects are increased when diabetes isn't well controlled. For the mother, diabetes increases the risk of diabetic ketoacidosis, diabetic eye problems (retinopathy), pregnancy-induced high blood pressure and preeclampsia.
• Hearing problems. Hearing impairments occur more often in people with diabetes.                           (taken from  http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/type-1-diabetes/DS00329/DSECTION=complications)

Scary RIGHT? I am just processing insulin injections and carb counting, and I am hit with THIS? At first it didn't bother me. I had so much to process, it just seemed unreal. About 2 days after I had been diagnosed my eyes became blurry. I started wearing reading glasses; I needed them to see on the computer, but was fine otherwise. Within a matter of days I relied on them for everything. I couldn't read or see anything without them. After some internet research (always a good idea right?) I was firmly convinced I had diabetic retinopathy, which is essentially the retina's bleeding. I made an appointment as soon as I could (dang Christmas time in the way) and before I knew it, I was sitting in the doctors office with my pupil's dilated, unable to see anything. I was so grateful to hear I still had 20/20 vision, and as soon as my blood sugar's went back to normal, so would my eyes. Thankfully, they did within a few days of the visit. Because eye problems are so prevalent is diabetes patients, here's another doctor I add to the list. 


Today I read something that has shaken me to the core. I was reading a blog titled Six Until Me, a type 1 diabetes blog that makes me feel like I am normal. She can always find the funny side to diabetes, and I truly look forward to reading her posts everyday. I missed reading her post yesterday, and I wish I just didn't. This was the first time I read about the dead in bed syndrome. It's when a person with type 1 diabetes dies while sleeping, even though they had great control the day before. %$#@!!!!!!!! I know this has a low chance of happening to me, but my response? What was the likelihood of me developing type 1 diabetes? I AM a number.


I really don't think I have anything to worry about for a while. My blood sugars are still on the higher side because my insulin/carb ratio isn't perfect yet. My doctor and I are increasing it weekly. But what happens when I do get it perfect? All this hard work to make sure I keep the complication away... and then, all of a sudden, I DIE in my sleep? With PERFECT NUMBERS THE DAY BEFORE!?!? Not good for motivation at all.  


On a slightly different note, I experienced my first true low last week. I was working out and ended with Ab Ripper X (I hate you Tony!) when I just didn't feel right. I've experienced low's before, but not like this. Most of my "lows" were in the normal range, but because I was so high before, it felt low to me. I was incredibly shaky and couldn't concentrate. Everything seemed to get slower and slower. I was taking a shower when it really hit me. I had to consciously think about grabbing the shampoo. "Krystle, grab the shampoo. The black one. With your hand." The most basic, everyday thing wasn't easy. I knew I was low so I showered as fast as I could. I checked my bg with my shaky hands and saw 64. I've read stories of people being a lot lower, but this was the lowest I have ever been. I ate a caramel rice cake with PB immediately (must say it was delicious!) and rechecked it 20 minutes later. You're suppose to recheck after 15 minutes, and diagnose accordingly.  I was at 84, and still felt the exact same. I decided to eat another and began to feel a lot better. I checked it before I ate and was at 260. OOPS. Another mistake.  


My point is, this hasn't been an easy week. This is not a "I am okay with Type 1 diabetes because I am can do everything you can do" post. This is a post about how much I hate this disease and want nothing to do with it. A lot of people who talk about it with me do not understand the severity. "You'll be fine, it will come easy." Right now, I really don't care. I don't want it to come easy, I want it to not exist. 

Pinterest

It is pretty safe to say I am addicted to pinterest. When it first became popular, it sounded a lot like stumble upon. I already was "stumbling" so I didn't really care to "pin" away. I am so glad I did. I made 2 dinners this week from pinterest, and I COMPLETELY recommend them.

The first was this amazing beef & broccoli recipe:

Click here for the recipe

It was so easy and delicious! I absolutely love Chinese food but have been staying away from it. The sauce in Chinese food can have a ton of carbs, which I don't know how to bolus for yet. (basically I don't know how much extra insulin I should give myself.) I used a beef stir fry meat, but am wanting to try it with chicken too. I ate it over brown rice, but you could even add some noodles! Endless possibilities.. 

The second was Cafe Rio shredded chicken:

                                                              click here for the recipe

This was even easier than the beef and broccoli because it's made in the crock pot. I just put all the ingredients together, turned on my favorite cooking appliance to low, went to work and it was ready by the time I was home! It was so tender I couldn't even pick it up with a fork! It made quite a bit for one person. I love having it precooked because I can make so many things with it. So far I have put it on top of salads, chicken wraps and tacos. Another recipe with endless possibilities.

My next pinterest experiment was the sock bun. Can I just say I wish I was this clever? The first time I saw it I thought it was so neat, but figured I would never try it. I saw it repinned by someone and gave it a second chance. I always put my hair in a bun to curl it over night, but sometimes leave it up if i'm running late. The sock bun looks way better than my messy buns. Y'all, i'm in love with this hair style. Anything than can take less than a minute to do, I am all for. Not to mention it's incredibly easy. Do it. You'll love it. Leave it in overnight if you want a good curl.

Like I said before, I am completely addicted. I love seeing so many great ideas and ACTUALLY trying them. I am finding a lot of recipes I can eat, which also get's me excited. I am really getting into cooking, and love trying new things!  My next two challenges are these bad boys:

Cauliflower Pizza Crust: Click here 

Thin Mint Low Carb Cookies: Click Here

Stay tuned to find out if there any good. I have a feeling the cookies might be to good to be true. What's YOUR favorite thing you have pinned?

Balancing Act

In my last post I briefly discussed the difference between type 1 and type 2 diabetes. Here is a little more detail about the two. Granted, my little knowledge is just the basics... so if you want to learn more go here: http://info.jdrfdsw.org/what-is-type1diabetes.php
In my case, type 1, my pancreas decided he wanted to retire early. Good ol’ pancre of mine decided he didn’t want to produce insulin anymore. If you're reading this, I want you to know that I am seriously jealous of your pancreas. Anyway, insulin turns foods into energy. Because I don’t produce the insulin, I inject insulin into my stomach so that I CAN turn foods into energy. People who are type 2 are insulin resistant, instead of insulin dependent. Type 2 people make insulin; however, it doesn’t function properly because of poor diet and other various things.

Eating right and exercising are the biggest factors when it comes to diabetes. Let’s start with EATING. Carb counting is a major part of eating for me. Most people ask me why I am counting the carbs and not the sugar content. Answer: Carbs=Sugars. I play a constant game of counting and balancing insulin every time I want something to eat. Here are the ever annoying steps: First, I prick my finger to find out what my blood sugars are at. From there, I give my bolus/baseline insulin which is about 11 units. The baseline insulin is long lasting insulin. Even if I am not eating, I must take the baseline when I wake up and around dinner time. When I want to eat something, I give myself another type of insulin. This insulin I inject with breakfast, lunch, dinner, and if I need it, bedtime. The amount I take depends on what my blood sugars are at. It can be anywhere from 3.5-6 units each meal/snack. Now that I have been pricked and prodded, I can finally eat something. Each meal should be roughly 45-60 grams of carbs. (This may change once I see a nutritionist, but for now I am pretty consistent with 45 grams). This basically means, for example, when I want a sandwich, I eat one slice of bread. And also means everything I absolutely love (like pasta and pizza) are only eaten in moderation. I can have it no problem…. But one serving of whole wheat spaghetti has 35 grams. Sauce has 10. And one serving is 2 oz, and NO ONE can be full off that little bit. So if I want fruit (high in sugarssssss) I add carbs to the list. Salads are low carb depending what I put in. But that spaghetti already had me at 45. So maybe I’ll give myself ½ unit more than I normally would. And thus, I balance and balance; all the while praying I balanced correctly and don’t see a huge spike or go to low.


I miss how eating use to be enjoyable. I miss going to a restaurant, looking at a menu, and picking what I want because it SOUNDS good. Not because the carb content is lower. I really hate that as soon as I order I run to the bathroom to inject my insulin. I don’t feel comfortable whipping out my pens and people thing I’m shooting up heroin. (I should probably cut back on saying things like “I need to go shoot up, be right back!”) Technically I should wait for my food to get there, because if I inject insulin and for some reason the restaurant screws up and no food comes, I’m in for a bad combo. However, I hate making whoever I am with wait to eat. So NOW, I hate that I am just starting my food when Ben is basically finished. Which is why I really would prefer to just eat at home. It’s easier to balance my carbs that way too. I know this will get easier, but for now I hate it. Especially because I am in the “trial and error” stage. Everything I eat is documented, along with how my blood sugars reacted 2 hours later. (Which means more pricking) My doctor and I are working on my insulin dose, and each time I see him my insulin dose increases. I keep hoping that once we know my dosage, things will get easier.


EXERCISE. I have a love hate relationship with the sweatabetus. Because of this insulin, I am gaining weight like crazy. And by crazy I mean 18 pounds in a month crazy. I feel huge/depressed about this subject. I KNOW I needed to gain weight back because I was under my BMI. But now I feel like I gained enough! Make it stop! Not to mention I eat sooooooooooo healthy! I work out EVERYDAY! How am I gaining and gaining?!?!?!!? Which brings me to exercise. Exercise really helps lower/balance your blood sugars. Freshman year of college I became addicted to running. After that year I didn’t care if I ever stepped foot in a gym. College life had other priorities. I started running again about two weeks ago and have become seriously addicted again. If I don’t run, I feel guilty. Which also brings me back to the fact that I work out so hard every day and only get bigger……. Again. Love. Hate. Relationship. Another experience I am faced with is becoming low after I work out. Being low sucks. I get super tired, shaky and can’t concentrate on anything. What I hate most about this? I use to love the way I would feel after a run. Now I’m exhausted and shaky. I feel like those good feeling endorphins never hit me.


Now that I've whined enough for today, I’ll end with something positive. Even though the beetus SUCKS right now, I’ve always wanted to actually stick to the New Year’s resolution of 1. Being Healthy & 2. Exercise more. Since my life basically depends on these two things… it’s safe to say I’ll finally stick to it.

And So We Meet

A relatively new addiction of mine is to obsessively read other people's blogs. I mean, it's the new way to creep! I've been hesitant to start my own because I feel as though my life just is not as interesting as the rest of my friends. (AKA, I'm currently not married, living/traveling around the world or experiencing other exciting things.) But, alas, I've broken down. Mainly because the most life altering experience has happened to me.....


I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes this Christmas break. Merry %$#@ing Christmas!


And no, it is not because I had to much sugar as a child.


Let's start with the symptoms I didn't realize were symptoms. About a year and a half ago I started losing weight, but ate whatever I wanted. WHENEVER I wanted. I was constantly hungry but needed new jeans in smaller sizes. Hello! What girl would have a problem with this?? After reading some other symptoms I had (incredibly thirsty, peeing excessively) I assumed I had a thyroid problem. I went to my gynecologist in July of last year for other problems, but told him about the current ones..so he tested my thyroid and everything came back fine.


Fast forward to December. I have become so small that double 00 pants are too loose. Literally nothing fits and I hate how skinny I've become. Literally skeleton size, and really unhealthy looking. Maaaaaaybe I should see another doctor. I go back to the gynecologist for another reason, she takes a urine sample......... and BAM. My whole life is altered. My blood sugar is at 574?? Normal highs are in the 150s? I might have diabetes? I ate some nerds before I came in, is that why it is high? You need to go to the ER immediately! WHAAAAAAT?


Y'all, 574 is beyond danger status. Going in a coma serious. And what's so ridiculous about it all? I NEVER felt bad. NEVER.


So, I head to the ER, check myself in, all the while thinking this ain't no thing. They will just give me something for my blood sugars to go down, and then I'll be home in no time.


oh wait...


I AM PUT IN ICU. OVERNIGHT. I still really had no clue about how my life was going to change. I literally thought I would be given some medications and be on my way. I was put in ICU because I had to be pricked every hour to watch my blood sugar. I was extremely lucky that I was able to go home the next day. The doctor had informed me that I responded well to the little insulin I was given. He thought I would do well with just insulin pills. Which, turns out, was not the case.


Because all of this happened 3 days before Christmas, all endocrinologist's were closed. I took insulin pills for 2 weeks and documented my blood sugars along the way. They were still in the high 300-400 range. The week after Christmas, we found an endocrinologist who had a cancellation. We thankfully were squeezed in! But this is when everything really changed...


Here is where I learned about insulin injections, the importance of my glucometer,
test strips, lancets, carb counting.. and the ever growing list. You mean I can't have all of those yummy pinterest desserts I pinned????


Yes, technically I can. In moderation. With a crap ton of insulin to boot.


So, back to why I'm starting this blog.
1. Most people are unaware of what Type 1 Diabetes is. They assume I did this to myself. INCORRECT. Type 1 Diabetes happens because your body no longer produces insulin. There is no cure. It just. straight. happens. This is normally diagnosed in children, or people who have some family history. (No family history in my case... just a mere .4% of the world who is lucky enough to get it without any family history) Type 2 diabetes are people who have become insulin resistant. Take Paula Dean for example..


2. I have a long journey ahead of me. I wanted a way to vent my frustrations. Rejoice in my new discoveries. Document my life altering experience.


I know I have a long road ahead. Knowing I have to inject myself with insulin at least 4x a day is something I am still not use too. All of my fingers have been pricked to the point of bruising, not to mention my insulin injections on my stomach. Some days I am content with everything. Other days I cry and cry and cry. Other days I want to punch anything and everything. "GIVE ME THE CARBS! ALL I WANT ARE THE CARBS!"


And so we meet....