Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you;

do not be dismayed,

for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you

with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

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As you go through this...

Difficult things can cause us to ask, "Why did this happen?"

But if we're trusting in Christ we never need to ask,

"How could He let this happen?"

God may never reveal all His reason to us,

but He has revealed His character to us.

His character assures us that 

He never makes mistakes, is never uncaring,

and that He never separates Himself from our need.

The need you face is great, but the grace

that is yours in Christ is even greater. 

May your heart and your faith stay fixed upon Him

as you go through this difficulty.

Be assured that He is holding your hand 

and will not let you go!

(It's amazing how much comfort a greeting card can give)

22 going on 7

Today I am thankful for school nurses.


While I was at work today, I experienced two lows. The first showed a lovely 54 on my meter, when I had been 187 an hour before. As soon as I checked it, I gave myself some juice and felt better within 10 minutes. The second time was completely different.


I was outside swinging with one of my students and got really nauseated. I immediately thought I had overtreated a low and shot up really high.

And then the Texas heat (HA!) got to me.  It's only MARCH. I started to get really hot. I mean REALLY REALLY hot. So I went inside to get some water. I checked my blood and I was at a cool 129. Ok, I thought. What in the world is going on??


So I go back outside. And feel just as bad. And finally it's time to go back to class when another teacher tells me I should chill out in another room until I feel better. I checked my blood again and was 102. Keep in mind that maybe 5 minutes had passed since my last check. I felt way way way to bad to be at 102. Normally I would celebrate by shouting on the roof top "I'M AT A PERFECT 102!!!!" But in this case, this 102 felt worse than my 54. And I knew I was dropping fast fast fast. 


So the same teacher, who is SO sweet I might add, decided to call the school nurse because I wasn't my bubbly self. Before the nurse got there I tried taking disgusting glucose tablets and had dropped even more. By this point, I was completely embarrassed. When I get embarrassed combined with worry, tears start. Which makes the embarrassment even worse!


But as soon as the nurse got there, I felt like I was 7 years old. I felt helpless and completely leaned on her guidance. I graciously took her peanut butter crackers and munched until I was content. I remember thinking about how the other type 1 diabetics at our school see her everyday. How these sweet little kiddos felt the exact same way I was feeling. Miserable, embarrassed, shaky, hot and a million other feelings.


Although this disease is terrible, I can honestly say I have thought multiple times about how I wish I was diagnosed at a younger age. Other diabetics I have met have usually been living with this since they were a kid. They have experiences that I just do not relate too. For example: having the school nurse nurse you back to a normal blood sugar.


And now I can say I have. Diabetes has made my 22 year old self feel 7. I feel like I have joined the Type 1 diabetes club. This secret kid to nurse talk. I am so grateful to work at a place where someone could help me in a matter of seconds. I can't think of anything more comforting!

To My Pharmacist

To my pharmacist,


I have never been so happy to see you. I am constantly surprised with how friendly and bubbly you always are. You don't know me by name yet, but know I am the girl who was just diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. At my last visit, you took a sincere interest in me and what I have to go through on a day-to-day basis. And you know what? You're right. Having T1 Diabetes is EXACTLY like a part time job. However, you make my days a lot easier. You supply me with insulin and without it I would die. All the while, acknowledging how difficult this must be.  I don't know why, but your interest in what I deal with made my day. Thank you for taking an interest in me & letting me know I can do this. You're awesome and I am so grateful for you.


Love,


The girl with a broken pancreas

Firsts

Spring Break 2012 gave me the break I really needed. We spent the first two days in New Orleans & the rest of the time in Florida. I experienced a lot of "firsts" I never thought I would.


-Overly packing (nothing new) but this time with diabetes supplies
-Deciding the best way to keep my extra insulin cool
-Giving myself insulin shots in a moving car
-Walking Bourbon Street
-Trying hand grenades
-Hurricanes from Pat O'Briens
-Throwing beads from the balcony (or really.. pelting people)
-Jackson Square
-Trying shrimp, salmon and Mahi Mahi
-EXPERIENCING HARRY POTTER WORLD
-Trying Butterbeer
-Having my worst low yet
-The Ron John Surf Shop experience
-Only have 2 high BG's all week
-Giving insulin right on the beach
-Cocoa Beach
- A low on the beach
-16 hour car ride
-realizing I froze my extra insulin on the very.last.day.


Spring Break was a real eye opener. I am realizing everyday that although diabetes is a serious pain, it is not going to s l o w me down.

Working with the 'Betes

It's no shocker how hard it is balancing life with diabetes, especially when its all so new. Right now, I would say the hardest part is still adjusting to the fact that anytime I want something to eat, I must inject myself with a needle full of insulin. I am getting very use to it now, but every so often it can really HURT.

Lately, the difficultly lies with WHERE I inject. I do not feel comfortable sticking myself in public, although it would make my life so much easier. Running to a dimly lit stinky bathroom is never fun. I did it in public for the first time last Saturday while we were at the Houston Outlets eating a late lunch. (wow that sentence could be taken the wrong way!) The bathrooms were so far away from the food that I just threw my caution to the wind. Screw it! If these people think I am injecting heroin, so be it.  I did it so fast, and am still amazed how its already becoming second nature to inject myself. I noticed a couple people staring, and then they got on with their life. Just like I did.

But what's even harder is when I am subbing at the elementary schools. I am not about to inject with 25 Kinder's or even 5th graders staring at me. Most of the schools in Bryan require you to eat with your students. I am really not use to this at all. Every day I work, it's a constant game of who I have to tell "I have t1 diabetes and need to give myself insulin before I eat, I will be right back." And by the time I have helped the students go through the line & then go to the restroom to do my thing, I usually have 15 minutes left to shovel food in my face. This, of course, would be a whole hell of a lot easier if I actually  had a permanent teaching job.... but that's a whole other can of worms.

An insulin pump would really help my situation. REALLY REALLY REALLY help. At my last doctor's appointment I talked to him about it. I was sooooooooo distraught when he told me it would be best to wait another 2 months. See, insulin is a massive game of chess.  Some days I win, and a lot of days I lose. We are still working on my levels of insulin to bring my numbers in a range where I can win a lot more often. He thinks 2 more months of trial & error, and we might be on the right winning streak.

TGIF & Thankful next week is spring break.. We will be off to New Orleans and Florida with some great friends!!

2 Month Dia-versary

How is February almost over?? I know it is the shortest month, but am in shock that it is almost March. Tomorrow will mark 2 months that I have been officially living with type 1 diabetes. (Who know's how long I've actually had it)  WOW. Can I just say it feels like I've had it for a whole hell of a lot longer than that..

I am amazed at how often type 1 diabetes comes up. I was never aware of it before, but it seems everywhere I go it's right in my face. For example, last week schools in Bryan celebrated "Jump Rope for Heart." I am a manager of an after school program, and walked in around 2:15 to find an assembly about the money they were raising. The second I walk in, the principal of the school is explaining what it means to be healthy to the K-2 group. And you know what? She pulls out her insulin pump and explains that she has type 1 diabetes. Shut the front door!

I love reading Type 1 diabetes blogs. It helps me realize I am not the only one going through this. BUT. I have   yet to actually meet anyone who has type 1 diabetes! As soon as I got the chance to talk with her, I explained that I was just diagnosed. What's even crazier, she found out the exact same way I did, along with the exact same age. I have been wanting an insulin pump for forever (okay maybe only 2 months) and she explained how it works. She has convinced me to get one, and hopefully I can asap. I have a meeting with my endo next Monday and praying he says i'm ready. NO MORE NEEEEEDDDLLLEEEESSSS!!!!! (That's some what of a lie, but LESS needles at least) I am okay with looking like a 1980's business man with a pager in my pocket if it means I don't have to give myself shots 6x a day. can. not. wait.

So, because it has been surrounding me everywhere I go, I've decided to start a project called "Diabetes 365." Starting tomorrow--My 2 month dia-versary-- I am going to take a picture everyday about my world with diabetes. Or just about my life in general. I am excited to document my first year of type 1 and hope there will be a lot more happier pictures than sad ones! I got the idea from the sixuntilme blog. she's awesome.

I'll end with pictures that have made February awesome already!

My brother got married :) He will soon be joining the military and I could not be more excited for him!!

We celebrated Valentine's day at work with a TON of sugary goodness that I completely avoided. (WHOOP!) The picture above is just a FEW of the cupcakes we had for the cupcake walk..not to mention boat loads of candy & cookies. We had face painting, pin the lips on the heart, cupcake walks and different games like bucket toss and musical chairs. It was a success, and the kids loved it!

Valentine's day :)

I had to work that day (11 hours! yuck!) But that cute little boy of mine took me to our favorite Chinese restaurant, chef chao's. You know it's legit when you're the only non-Asian in the place. My candy was NOT sugar free, yipee! I just enjoy them 1 at a time. My main gift is this.  I had to decided between the conference and the new tom's flats. I am not going to tell you that it was an easy decision...but I am seriously excited to go.

This weekend we are celebrating Ben's 22nd birthday back home. Texas de Brazil, here we come! 

Keep a look out for my new project :)

Complicated Complications

Type 1 diabetes can have a lot of complications, especially if you are not in good control of your bg. When I was first diagnosed, it was all I read/heard about. It freaked me out to no belief. The list seemed to be endless. Wanna know why i'm working so hard on this?

• Heart and blood vessel disease.  Diabetes dramatically increases your risk of various cardiovascular problems, including coronary artery disease with chest pain (angina), heart attack, stroke, narrowing of the arteries (atherosclerosis) and high blood pressure. In fact, about 65 percent of people who have type 1 or type 2 diabetes die of some type of heart or blood vessel disease, according to the American Heart Association.
• Nerve damage (neuropathy). Poorly controlled blood sugar could cause you to eventually lose all sense of feeling in the affected limbs. 
• Kidney damage (nephropathy). Severe damage can lead to kidney failure or irreversible end-stage kidney disease, requiring dialysis or a kidney transplant.
• Eye damage. Diabetes can damage the blood vessels of the retina (diabetic retinopathy), potentially leading to blindness. Diabetes also increases the risk of other serious vision conditions, such as cataracts and glaucoma.
• Foot damage. Nerve damage in the feet or poor blood flow to the feet increases the risk of various foot complications. Severe damage might require toe, foot or even leg amputation.
• Skin and mouth conditions. Diabetes may leave you more susceptible to skin problems, including bacterial and fungal infections. Gum infections also may be a concern, especially if you have a history of poor dental hygiene.
• Osteoporosis. Diabetes may lead to lower than normal bone mineral density, increasing your risk of osteoporosis.
• Pregnancy complications. High blood sugar levels can be dangerous for both the mother and the baby. The risk of miscarriage, stillbirth and birth defects are increased when diabetes isn't well controlled. For the mother, diabetes increases the risk of diabetic ketoacidosis, diabetic eye problems (retinopathy), pregnancy-induced high blood pressure and preeclampsia.
• Hearing problems. Hearing impairments occur more often in people with diabetes.                           (taken from  http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/type-1-diabetes/DS00329/DSECTION=complications)

Scary RIGHT? I am just processing insulin injections and carb counting, and I am hit with THIS? At first it didn't bother me. I had so much to process, it just seemed unreal. About 2 days after I had been diagnosed my eyes became blurry. I started wearing reading glasses; I needed them to see on the computer, but was fine otherwise. Within a matter of days I relied on them for everything. I couldn't read or see anything without them. After some internet research (always a good idea right?) I was firmly convinced I had diabetic retinopathy, which is essentially the retina's bleeding. I made an appointment as soon as I could (dang Christmas time in the way) and before I knew it, I was sitting in the doctors office with my pupil's dilated, unable to see anything. I was so grateful to hear I still had 20/20 vision, and as soon as my blood sugar's went back to normal, so would my eyes. Thankfully, they did within a few days of the visit. Because eye problems are so prevalent is diabetes patients, here's another doctor I add to the list. 


Today I read something that has shaken me to the core. I was reading a blog titled Six Until Me, a type 1 diabetes blog that makes me feel like I am normal. She can always find the funny side to diabetes, and I truly look forward to reading her posts everyday. I missed reading her post yesterday, and I wish I just didn't. This was the first time I read about the dead in bed syndrome. It's when a person with type 1 diabetes dies while sleeping, even though they had great control the day before. %$#@!!!!!!!! I know this has a low chance of happening to me, but my response? What was the likelihood of me developing type 1 diabetes? I AM a number.


I really don't think I have anything to worry about for a while. My blood sugars are still on the higher side because my insulin/carb ratio isn't perfect yet. My doctor and I are increasing it weekly. But what happens when I do get it perfect? All this hard work to make sure I keep the complication away... and then, all of a sudden, I DIE in my sleep? With PERFECT NUMBERS THE DAY BEFORE!?!? Not good for motivation at all.  


On a slightly different note, I experienced my first true low last week. I was working out and ended with Ab Ripper X (I hate you Tony!) when I just didn't feel right. I've experienced low's before, but not like this. Most of my "lows" were in the normal range, but because I was so high before, it felt low to me. I was incredibly shaky and couldn't concentrate. Everything seemed to get slower and slower. I was taking a shower when it really hit me. I had to consciously think about grabbing the shampoo. "Krystle, grab the shampoo. The black one. With your hand." The most basic, everyday thing wasn't easy. I knew I was low so I showered as fast as I could. I checked my bg with my shaky hands and saw 64. I've read stories of people being a lot lower, but this was the lowest I have ever been. I ate a caramel rice cake with PB immediately (must say it was delicious!) and rechecked it 20 minutes later. You're suppose to recheck after 15 minutes, and diagnose accordingly.  I was at 84, and still felt the exact same. I decided to eat another and began to feel a lot better. I checked it before I ate and was at 260. OOPS. Another mistake.  


My point is, this hasn't been an easy week. This is not a "I am okay with Type 1 diabetes because I am can do everything you can do" post. This is a post about how much I hate this disease and want nothing to do with it. A lot of people who talk about it with me do not understand the severity. "You'll be fine, it will come easy." Right now, I really don't care. I don't want it to come easy, I want it to not exist.